The Horoscopist

“Mommy, I got stuff for the Horoscopist now,” he says with a finger on his chin. “I SO wasn’t inspired before, but now I think something’s there…Wait that’s not for Aries, ok?”

ARIES:  Accidentally licked a lampost. Why did you do that?

TAURUS: Your Nissan Leaf turns into cats and then they transform back into an iDog. Good luck with that.

GEMINI:  You are swimming in the Jaws film, but you think that it’s a fake shark. Well, it isn’t. It’s a real shark and it bit you.

CANCER: You are a robot from the future that thinks a Creeper killed your father. Well it didn’t. It was an Ender Dragon who did it. You kill the dragon and get your revenge. THE END.

LEO: You thought you were in a swimming pool, but you’re actually in a swamp filled with crocodiles. You get bitten, but then your whole body turns to metal and all the crocodiles’ teeth fall off. You are the new Terminator.

VIRGO: Trollface posts on your email and says, “U MAD?” Trollface’s computer explodes.

LIBRA: You’re flying in a helicopter. You think you see a giant crocodile flying in the sky. But it was actually a plane called “The Hercules.” Pa pa pa pum PUM!

SCORPIO: Seen any dragons lately? Well, have you? A Creeper answers.

SAGITTARIUS: You land on a wrecked car after flying out of a canonball. My mom is your taxi driver. 

CAPRICORN: Random car wheel from out of nowhere! This is the title of your week. EXPLOSIONS!

AQUARIUS: Your cat bites a mouse. The mouse starts playing Wii. The cat and mouse become pirates.

PISCES: You bought yourself a hybrid vehicle powered by Creeper gunpowder. The Creeper has fooled you and made it fairydust instead. Fairydust is faster than gunpowder, you know.

YOUR SAYING OF THE WEEK: ”I need a new poster for my room.”